be steady, baby.

...and when we get down to it, we realize that the only way to break off from these societal pressures placed on us is to step out. take that leap. do what you believe you should do - what you were made to do, not what others think is best.

branch. break. fork. sever yourself.

you get it.

i'm not saying this is easy.

the most frigid winter the soul will ever feel will blow in on the wings of fear. the fear of failure. the fear of rejection. chances need to be taken and hearts need to be broken to grow. to move. to learn. the trees ahead have to become larger and the ones behind have to become smaller.

it's important to realize that i'm not being a rebellious twenty-something. even the married ones, the trapped ones, the paralyzed ones. we all have to grow. whether that be learning how to knit a scarf or visiting a gravestone of a dead, once abusive father.

we have to do things we don't

want to do sometime or another.

this is how we grow.

we take chances.

we learn to love people

through strange circumstances.

go with it.

trees.

trees with roots, they grow;
into the starry night.
battered by the wind, by the rain, by the snow;
left bald by the fight.
trees with roots, they grow.

trees with roots, they grow;
not uncertain of the soil fromwhich they sprout.
a stately stance, of their past they know;
boisterous but lowly, high above the clout.
trees with roots, they grow.

the blues.

I'm not having an easy time. Life is hard.
I'm tired, and weary, and bruised up.
Things pile up and become to-do list after to-do list. Why?
I'm trying my hardest not to let wordly things own me.
But it's so hard to do that when wordly things are all you know,
and all you associate yourself with. I think Satan always
has his hand on the strings. He's whispering that I won't
amount to much. He's whispering that the things I care about
most are going to turn on me. He's telling me I need money -
lots of money - to find joy. And half the time, I'm believing it.

I know God is here. And I'm
faithful that He is teaching me things
through this garbage. But it's not easy to hear His voice.
It takes time, and discipline, and the will to shut off things.

God, just be here. Help me to find joy in trouble.
Help me to be a man about my mistakes.
Help me to know that it takes asking questions
to learn how to do something.

a collective.

it's not about the stains on your hands.
everyone's been through their share of trouble.
i leave perfection to my Creator.
forgive yourself. let Jesus' blood forever be a
reminder that you aren't, never were,
and never will be perfect. just accept it.

it's not about the strut.
the fact is, you're one of 6.7 billion people.
think about that. no. really. think about that.
we're equal. equal. no brand or talent or
salary or (what you think is the) ability to
verbally dismantle someone's barriers
will ever change you being just another
one of 6,700,000,000 faces.

we're humans.
we were delicately made by a selfless God.
a God who is above trend and politics.
a God who is above religion and money.

proverbs 22:2

as the ruin falls.

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

-C.S. Lewis

real glory.

"Honesty is the best policy."

...Fascinating. What people neglect to add to that oh-so-simple phrase is "it will cut you deeper than any katana and will expose you greater than any reality show."

Literally, maybe one of the most difficult attributes to acquire. And I'm not so sure I've even had a taste of it. What a terrifying thought, you know? What does a life look like that is never shaken up? A man who does all the wrong things, only to be rewarded with all the wrong answers, lit up brighter than a Christmas tree in November, being forced to believe they are the right ones.

A good friend of mine recently told me "if you surround yourself with friends who don't think your shit stinks, find new friends."

I thought it was beautiful. I thought it was beautiful because it was crass, and to the point. Not to mention, I took a barrel-load from it.

What I learned from my friend is that honesty is the big brother of humility. If we could only receive a regular dose of honesty, we would be forced to stay humble. Like Raid to a cockroach, honesty is to arrogance. It suffocates any chance to ever become bigger than ourselves and our narcissism. This is, of course, in contrast to never receiving honesty in which one can never feel where his feet land. He would just continue to gallivant up this mythical hierarchal structure (eventually becoming his own King), never being told that the structure doesn't exist and that he's still in the same place he started.

I don't like the thought of praying hard for an honest environment, because I don't like the feeling of heartbreak. But I suppose the shadow really does prove the sunshine.

mold and ivy.

stagnant.

like a pond where the kids have long since seen and felt the tug of a fish on their pole.

they're grown up, on the way to nine-to-fives in shiny SUV's, coffee in hand, just suffocating for one more moment of childhood.

stagnant.

like a lover who can't take it anymore. the blistering, bleeding heart of one who never stops hearing that everything is going to be ok. who thirsts for reconciliation, but can't feel it. can't earn it. can't taste it because their other half is so enriched with their own pride that finding a cure means admitting they have a flaw.